Pain has controlled me emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually. I ran on my feelings. Whatever I was feeling I would respond accordingly (I thought). I felt the right to react because I was justified by my afflictions. Unfortunately this left me empty. Never did my feelings give me satisfaction for long. Oh, and my reactions...not proud of them.
Pain has consumed me emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually. Humanly I can not handle hurt. Immediately I become self focused. My thoughts conflict with what I know God says in His Word. Therefore, what I have learned is pushed aside and all I can think about is my situation - nothing else.
Thankfully pain has changed me emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually. Without suffering, I would never had realized I was in desperate need of Christ. Yes, circumstances started the hurt but my drive to try and control my life caused the most pain. Little did I realize this until my spirit broke into a million pieces.
"God are you done yet?" I screamed at the top of my lungs – sobbing.
With that question lingering in my mind, I realized He would never be done with me. I am a sinner and Christ died for my sins. The suffering I go through is refining me - purifying me. My faith is being perfected. Only with this in my heart can I have a different perspective. My attitude changes to praise for my loving Father that this is only temporary - then the healing begins.
"Praise the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. According to His great mercy, He has given us a new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead and into an inheritance that is imperishable, uncorrupted, and unfading, kept in heaven for you. You are being protected by God’s power through faith for a salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. You rejoice in this, though now for a short time you have had to struggle in various trials so that the genuineness of your faith—more valuable than gold, which perishes though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory, and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. You love Him, though you have not seen Him. And though not seeing Him now, you believe in Him and rejoice with inexpressible and glorious joy, because you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your soul (1 Peter 1:3-9)."
The hardest part is surrendering. You can stay captured, controlled, and consumed; emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually, by pain. Let me ask you, how's that going for you? Let it go and be changed. There is hope if you believe in Christ that this is only temporary. God is not done with you...yet.
"Father I believe that you are in control. Forgive me for my control. I let go of my pain to you. Please heal me, Heavenly Father. Thank you for refining me and giving me hope."
© Carol Outhous Jones 2014
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