There were signs leading up to that day. Mom would talk to me like I was someone other than her daughter; then the next day call me by my name. It didn't matter because I was taking care of her and just enjoyed being with her.
The times I saw her start to fade into that other world she goes to sometimes, I would describe it as almost an imaginary place. With little children needing to be taking care of, tables to be set for the guests who were about to arrive, or the meal that would need to be prepared, and even the lights to be turned on in such a way to set the mood – warm and inviting. That world is her commonplace. Not imaginary to her but a familiar place to which she was always hospitable.
When I would stop and ask her to pray with me, she would pray as though she had no Alzheimer's at all! A special seat in her private conversation with Jesus Christ. Beautiful.
She was still my mom. The woman I've always known, hospitable and godly.
So, the day sitting in the doctors office, I thought I was prepared. The doctor asked her who I was… she called me her sister and didn't know my name. Immediately in my head I started to pray, "God please help me find something funny to say to lighten the heaviness of reality!" The reality that she forgot who I was. Nothing came…
That night I cried my heart out to God. He showed me it was clear I had not fully given my mother up to the Lord. Letting go of the woman who raised me to the Lord was painful; like when letting go of my husband and children. Coming to the realization that the people dear in my life are a part of me but not my possession, brings me to my knees. They are Gods and He has control over them. He knows the plan and His plan no matter how bad it looks to me, is good. He is God who created the heavens and the earth... and my mom. She is His and He loves her unconditionally. Letting go can be painful but oh how peaceful it is to know she is in the care of The Almighty God.
My mother might have forgotten me but, I'm in the care of that same God who cares for my mom. He has not forgotten me. This is the place He wants us to be – on or knees with resolve in our heart that we are weak and believe He is in control. He desires to give His children peace. If only we would always go to the one who is the prince of peace and let it all go at His feet.
He knows you by your name and will never forget you.
"For I know the plans I have for you” — this is the Lord ’s declaration — “plans for your welfare, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. You will call to Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart."
~ Jeremiah 29:11-13 (HCSB)
© Carol Outhous Jones 2014
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